and you know the rest of the saying :)
For a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG time now, I have been going slightly crazy in our home.
How in the world did we get so much stuff?! unnecessary stuff?? It's insane! And I have felt like I am drowning in it....And not just in the "stuff" but the feeling of not having time to deal with the "stuff". I think the overwhelming feeling of not being able to get stuff done that you genuinely want to get done is a bummer. I mean have you ever tried to deep clean with three little people following you all the time? One of them obsessed with licking things and putting them in her mouth and the others not allowing you to "rid" your life of any "stuff" because "I NEED IT". It's impossible.
I know we are blessed to have the home we have. Is it big, no. Is it small, no. Is it my dream home, no. But I know there are many people in the world, with bigger families too, that would love a home, no matter the size. So I have tried to keep that in perspective, along with the 2014 motto, and take a new cleaner approach to our life, home. Simplify it, cozy it up, and then spend the rest of 2014 cherishing the moments made in it and breathing because I am not drowning in "stuff".
I am half way through with the house, thanks to my AMAZING brother who has been watching the kiddos a few hrs a day so I can clean and organize. Although I feel like a big loser even having to ask that of him, I am feeling substantially better daily and I think that counts for something, right? He has only watched them for a few hours for 5 days now, but I still feel so guilty. It probably doesn't equal two days that most kids are in "daycare", but for some reason it is weighing on me. I don't ever have anyone watch them for "me" time and we don't have a cleaning lady. They are not in any kids day out program, so up until today when Sawyer started preschool again on Tues/Thurs mornings for 2.5 hrs, I am with them alllll the time. Don't get me wrong, I love time with them, but it is unreal the amount of stuff I can get done when it is just me and some country music to clean to. I am justifying it by knowing that this is just temporary and we will all be better for it in the end. It helps that they LOVE LOVE LOVE going to see him, and since he spent a year in Spain teaching English, I feel like they are making up for lost time. See, totally justified. (haha)
And because I can't JUST purge and organize, I have decided to redo a couple of the rooms in the house. Not complete redos, just a couple of pieces to refinish, wall hangings to switch out, rugs to buy. :) I am getting stir crazy being in the same space for this long and since a new house isn't in the cards for a while, I am changing things up a tad here. A Casa face lift you could dub it.
I am really excited about life right now on so many aspects!! I love new beginnings and I feel like 2014 was just that for me, or maybe it was turning 30. Who knows. I feel like I am finally becoming "me". Figuring out what I am about, and how I feel on so many issues. Its fun and interesting. I am also slowly getting this whole mommy of 5 thing down. Routines are getting easier, or adjusting to lack of routines is less chaotic I should say :) I CANNOT wait until summer is here and I have all the babies all the time with lots of fun to be had. I used to hate summer, mostly because I am a cold weather fan, but I am counting the days to this summer. Kids give me so much to look forward to, I love the world through them. The last few Sundays in Mass, I have almost been brought to tears by various things that I see at Mass, or just realize during Mass. It is such a peaceful feeling and God is so great, and I am eternally blessed.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
14 random things you may or may not know about me
14. I am obsessed with Target and have been "grounded" from it most of my adult life. I can spend an absurd amount of money in there and find stuff I didn't even know they made let alone need. One of my best friends actually got me a gift card there for Christmas with the message "for when you get a chance to get away and walk around target." It's like my oasis.
13. My hair used to be spirally curly when I was younger. When I became pregnant with Cohen I started to lose my curl and after he was born my hair was virtually straight. They say that hormones are to blame. The UPSIDE though is with each subsequent pregnancy, I regained some of my curl back, so 5 pregnancies later, it's curly again. yay me!
12. I have ran the New York City Marathon and the Walt Disney Half marathon. I hope to run both again, especially NYC. It's magical.
11. I have been going to Chiefs games since I was 5. I have gone to at least one game every year for the last 25 years. Many a memories have been made in section 129 row 32. My dad actually taught me to drive going insanely fast down the turnpike, following a caravan of chief cars. I used to also want to be a Chiefs cheerleader when I was little...either that or work at Dairy Queen ;) pretty glad neither of those panned out.
10. I HATE cats....with the passion of a thousand suns. I am deathly allergic and fiercely scared. They freak me out and people that take pictures of them on their counter in their kitchen...GROSS. You can bet I will NOT be eating anything from your house. Dogs are cool though. :)
9. I have never been to Colorado and/or skiing. I keep hinting to Cody J that I would like to get away with him...apparently the hints have been to subtle... maybe I'll send him the link to this blog:)
8. A year and a half ago, Cody and I went on a trip to California. It was AUH-MAZING. While there, we went to Crystal Cove Beach. I LOVED it and decided that we will definitely be taking a family vacation there. Morbidly though, if I were to ever find out I was dying (at a faster rate than I am), CC would be my place in the world to cherish the end.
7. I have read and do read with the kiddos daily. This is nothing big with babies, BUT now that Cohen and Miayla are older, we read big books together, classics, every night, and I wouldn't trade these times for anything. I enjoy reading, but like with most things with kiddos, watching them experience it is so much cooler. Watching a story come to life and being with them on that journey is so fun.
6. When I learned to crawl, I crawled over to my sisters bed and stole her baby blanket, Blankie, and have slept with it every night since. That's right folks, I am 30 years old and sleep with a blanket. It is disgusting, barely any of the original of it still there, but it means soooo much to me. Cody has accepted it, you should too.
5. I wish I was from the south. I love everything southern, especially the style and accent. I wouldn't mind moving to a big ole spread, with willow trees lining the drive, enjoying sweet tea on an enormous porch, watching the sun set on the pond. Bless my heart for not being from the south :(
4. On the flip side of that, Cody and I own a decent chunk of land here, and for that I am grateful. We have 270 acres out by his folks and 200 acres northwest of where we currently live, named Jester Creek. Although I like the land by his family, I REALLY like Jester Creek. It has a river that runs through it and a creek, and wooded areas, and big stones, and wheat and corn and is tucked away from the world. It has become a great escape, I hope to escape their permanently one day.
3. I have three tattoos. One is the typical, "I am in college" placed at the front on my lower hip. I don't regret it, just wish it had a tad more meaning, but I do like it. I also have the kids' names in Hebrew down my spine. Well 4/5 of them ;) and then I have "Liebe" on my left wrist for Cody J. It means "love" in German, since that is how he has come to say it to me. Liebe my little German boy :)
2. I am completely fascinated with my faith. I love Catholicism and it's history, universalism, and comfort.
1. Cody J and the kiddos are my everything. I would die for them, die unto myself because of them, and would go to the ends of this earth to bring them happiness. {that one you probably knew}
13. My hair used to be spirally curly when I was younger. When I became pregnant with Cohen I started to lose my curl and after he was born my hair was virtually straight. They say that hormones are to blame. The UPSIDE though is with each subsequent pregnancy, I regained some of my curl back, so 5 pregnancies later, it's curly again. yay me!
12. I have ran the New York City Marathon and the Walt Disney Half marathon. I hope to run both again, especially NYC. It's magical.
11. I have been going to Chiefs games since I was 5. I have gone to at least one game every year for the last 25 years. Many a memories have been made in section 129 row 32. My dad actually taught me to drive going insanely fast down the turnpike, following a caravan of chief cars. I used to also want to be a Chiefs cheerleader when I was little...either that or work at Dairy Queen ;) pretty glad neither of those panned out.
10. I HATE cats....with the passion of a thousand suns. I am deathly allergic and fiercely scared. They freak me out and people that take pictures of them on their counter in their kitchen...GROSS. You can bet I will NOT be eating anything from your house. Dogs are cool though. :)
9. I have never been to Colorado and/or skiing. I keep hinting to Cody J that I would like to get away with him...apparently the hints have been to subtle... maybe I'll send him the link to this blog:)
8. A year and a half ago, Cody and I went on a trip to California. It was AUH-MAZING. While there, we went to Crystal Cove Beach. I LOVED it and decided that we will definitely be taking a family vacation there. Morbidly though, if I were to ever find out I was dying (at a faster rate than I am), CC would be my place in the world to cherish the end.
7. I have read and do read with the kiddos daily. This is nothing big with babies, BUT now that Cohen and Miayla are older, we read big books together, classics, every night, and I wouldn't trade these times for anything. I enjoy reading, but like with most things with kiddos, watching them experience it is so much cooler. Watching a story come to life and being with them on that journey is so fun.
6. When I learned to crawl, I crawled over to my sisters bed and stole her baby blanket, Blankie, and have slept with it every night since. That's right folks, I am 30 years old and sleep with a blanket. It is disgusting, barely any of the original of it still there, but it means soooo much to me. Cody has accepted it, you should too.
5. I wish I was from the south. I love everything southern, especially the style and accent. I wouldn't mind moving to a big ole spread, with willow trees lining the drive, enjoying sweet tea on an enormous porch, watching the sun set on the pond. Bless my heart for not being from the south :(
4. On the flip side of that, Cody and I own a decent chunk of land here, and for that I am grateful. We have 270 acres out by his folks and 200 acres northwest of where we currently live, named Jester Creek. Although I like the land by his family, I REALLY like Jester Creek. It has a river that runs through it and a creek, and wooded areas, and big stones, and wheat and corn and is tucked away from the world. It has become a great escape, I hope to escape their permanently one day.
3. I have three tattoos. One is the typical, "I am in college" placed at the front on my lower hip. I don't regret it, just wish it had a tad more meaning, but I do like it. I also have the kids' names in Hebrew down my spine. Well 4/5 of them ;) and then I have "Liebe" on my left wrist for Cody J. It means "love" in German, since that is how he has come to say it to me. Liebe my little German boy :)
2. I am completely fascinated with my faith. I love Catholicism and it's history, universalism, and comfort.
1. Cody J and the kiddos are my everything. I would die for them, die unto myself because of them, and would go to the ends of this earth to bring them happiness. {that one you probably knew}
Monday, January 6, 2014
My Favorite Number
My favorite number is 14, so you can imagine my delight to be entering the year 2014. It has always been my lucky number for as far back as I can remember and chances are if I ask you to pick a number between 1-20, you will probably win with 14 as your pick. Cohen has figured it out, but so far he is the only kid to. He is a sly one ;)
A lot has changed since the last time I blogged. Yes, it has been almost a year. Clearly I get the awesome blogger award. :) Although I have started many drafts, they all seem a bit untimely now to actually publish, and I feel I have changed a lot over the last year so some of those views are not mine anymore. So instead of catching up on the past, I decided to focus on the future, after all, that is where we are headed. I think the BIGGEST change this last year is this....
Miss Anabella Marie joined our lives in March. With her came a swarm of feelings, some unexpected, some traditional, but all changing me in profound ways. You would think with the 5th kiddo, all would be same ole same ole. Not at all. Everything is different. Yea, changing a diaper, bathing, that's all the same. But how they change you, and make their OWN little place in your heart, is so different. Cohen was the first. The scared, "how in the world did God think I was capable of being your mom?" trial and error, living for someone else kind of love. Miayla was the little girl, sweet and cute and princess-y can't believe I actually have a girl love. Sawyer was the slower love. Everything was the same at first, but as he grew, in his differences, he made my love kinder, my heart softer, our world better. Then you have the bug, Kaia, who I adore because she is me. Every little ounce of her, is a tiny, tiny Jeny. I empathize with her on so many levels and I love her for loving me and seeing my struggle. And then Belles. Truth be told, Belle and I were kind of on the oust while she was chilling inside. Something about that pregnancy was so different, kind of sad, kind of not ready, that my heart was just different. Its hard to explain, but I am so thankful for two friends that knew the truth of my feelings and got me through it. The SECOND she took her first breath though, she truly did take mine away. (cliché I know) She has been by my side since then. She filled my heart with a love that I never knew was missing and I am eternally grateful to God that He knew what I needed and when I needed it, even though I didn't.
So here we are, in 2014. Thirty years old, with 5 babies and so much to be thankful for. So I guess comes the typical resolution section. Although I have many, one thing I have learned over the years and kids is to not bite off too much, so I am going to keep it simple with my motto for 2014 :
Do less from habit and more from intention.
And this is the focus of my intention
There is so much I do out of habit with them, all aspects of my life in general, that when you step back and think about it, how much of it is done out of genuine intent?
Our parish priest also talked about that exact thing this weekend, which I thought was a small sign from God. He spoke about how its so easy for us to get in this "go through the motions" of Catholicism and not live in a Christ-like way. Do we practice the corporal works of mercy, do we help where we can, do we love completely? Or do we go off of habit and let other organizations take care of this cause and that cause. Do we stand up, sit down, kneel at Mass without ever PRAYING at Mass?
Intention vs habit
For the curious cats out there, this is also why I nixed my FB account mid December. I decided that I would try to reach out to a handful of close friends than know about 737 other "friends". It was sooo easy to get into the habit of checking up on friends that I didn't call them. I could see what Ash was doing that week, or what Mel was thinking about, that it took the friendship aspect out of it for me. I wasn't trying to be a friend. My curiosity was peaked about many people and their lives, but a sense of loss was going on in mine. I NEEDED close, good friends. I have been lacking that the last few years and I honestly think FB was some of the reason. There was no intention, just habit. I was going through the motions of being a friend, but not actually being one. Another reason I deactivated my FB was about the time I was thinking about all of the above.... some one made the comment that I couldn't get off facebook because I was "such a good mom". I know she meant it as being a testimony to having lots of babies and being open to life and loving God, but it didn't settle well with me. I decided to be a good mom, I would actually BE a good mom, whether or not the world could see it. that if later down the road, I saw someone from my past and they knew nothing about my kids, they would learn from their character and know what kind of house they grew up in, not what was shown on social media. Facebook is good for many reasons, don't get me wrong. But for what I needed to do to live more out of intent and less out of habit was to say adios to it, so I did.
And with saying adios to ole FB and 2013, I said hello to my favorite '14! I am really excited and hopeful for life in 2014. Six days into it and I've been trying harder than ever to do more from the bottom of my little heart than I have in a long time. I've had some successful days, and some not so successful, but I am more at peace with myself now than I ever have been and that is an amazing feeling. :)
God's peace to you and yours and here is to having a 2014 full of intention !
A lot has changed since the last time I blogged. Yes, it has been almost a year. Clearly I get the awesome blogger award. :) Although I have started many drafts, they all seem a bit untimely now to actually publish, and I feel I have changed a lot over the last year so some of those views are not mine anymore. So instead of catching up on the past, I decided to focus on the future, after all, that is where we are headed. I think the BIGGEST change this last year is this....
Miss Anabella Marie joined our lives in March. With her came a swarm of feelings, some unexpected, some traditional, but all changing me in profound ways. You would think with the 5th kiddo, all would be same ole same ole. Not at all. Everything is different. Yea, changing a diaper, bathing, that's all the same. But how they change you, and make their OWN little place in your heart, is so different. Cohen was the first. The scared, "how in the world did God think I was capable of being your mom?" trial and error, living for someone else kind of love. Miayla was the little girl, sweet and cute and princess-y can't believe I actually have a girl love. Sawyer was the slower love. Everything was the same at first, but as he grew, in his differences, he made my love kinder, my heart softer, our world better. Then you have the bug, Kaia, who I adore because she is me. Every little ounce of her, is a tiny, tiny Jeny. I empathize with her on so many levels and I love her for loving me and seeing my struggle. And then Belles. Truth be told, Belle and I were kind of on the oust while she was chilling inside. Something about that pregnancy was so different, kind of sad, kind of not ready, that my heart was just different. Its hard to explain, but I am so thankful for two friends that knew the truth of my feelings and got me through it. The SECOND she took her first breath though, she truly did take mine away. (cliché I know) She has been by my side since then. She filled my heart with a love that I never knew was missing and I am eternally grateful to God that He knew what I needed and when I needed it, even though I didn't.
So here we are, in 2014. Thirty years old, with 5 babies and so much to be thankful for. So I guess comes the typical resolution section. Although I have many, one thing I have learned over the years and kids is to not bite off too much, so I am going to keep it simple with my motto for 2014 :
Do less from habit and more from intention.
And this is the focus of my intention
There is so much I do out of habit with them, all aspects of my life in general, that when you step back and think about it, how much of it is done out of genuine intent?
Our parish priest also talked about that exact thing this weekend, which I thought was a small sign from God. He spoke about how its so easy for us to get in this "go through the motions" of Catholicism and not live in a Christ-like way. Do we practice the corporal works of mercy, do we help where we can, do we love completely? Or do we go off of habit and let other organizations take care of this cause and that cause. Do we stand up, sit down, kneel at Mass without ever PRAYING at Mass?
Intention vs habit
For the curious cats out there, this is also why I nixed my FB account mid December. I decided that I would try to reach out to a handful of close friends than know about 737 other "friends". It was sooo easy to get into the habit of checking up on friends that I didn't call them. I could see what Ash was doing that week, or what Mel was thinking about, that it took the friendship aspect out of it for me. I wasn't trying to be a friend. My curiosity was peaked about many people and their lives, but a sense of loss was going on in mine. I NEEDED close, good friends. I have been lacking that the last few years and I honestly think FB was some of the reason. There was no intention, just habit. I was going through the motions of being a friend, but not actually being one. Another reason I deactivated my FB was about the time I was thinking about all of the above.... some one made the comment that I couldn't get off facebook because I was "such a good mom". I know she meant it as being a testimony to having lots of babies and being open to life and loving God, but it didn't settle well with me. I decided to be a good mom, I would actually BE a good mom, whether or not the world could see it. that if later down the road, I saw someone from my past and they knew nothing about my kids, they would learn from their character and know what kind of house they grew up in, not what was shown on social media. Facebook is good for many reasons, don't get me wrong. But for what I needed to do to live more out of intent and less out of habit was to say adios to it, so I did.
And with saying adios to ole FB and 2013, I said hello to my favorite '14! I am really excited and hopeful for life in 2014. Six days into it and I've been trying harder than ever to do more from the bottom of my little heart than I have in a long time. I've had some successful days, and some not so successful, but I am more at peace with myself now than I ever have been and that is an amazing feeling. :)
God's peace to you and yours and here is to having a 2014 full of intention !
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