Cinco's Corazon (heart)

I thought I would give a little update on Cinco since some have asked about the babe!

Cody. 

I LOVE THIS MAN. 

He is such an amazing and ever present father.  This is our fifth child and he has NEVER missed an appointment. Not one. If you have ever had babies, there are many appointments and some that take a total of two seconds...ya know, the ones where he measures and tells ya you are still pregnant and to come back next week.  Not a one was missed.  Granted some of them were a HUGE blur because half the time he is wrangling already birthed children, but never the less, he is always there.  And it means the world to me. 

But one day, he wasn't there, and as luck would have it, I would want nothing more.

On December 28th, I had an appt at the Drs office. It was gonna be a quick check, 31 weeks and I'd be on my merry way.  My appointment was at 8:40 so instead of waking all the kiddos (Christmas break), we decided that I would just go by myself.  My mom has been gracious enough to come over on her Friday mornings off and watch the babies when I do have appointments, but her and my dad were visiting my brother in Spain on this particular day.  Anyway, I go to the appointment and get weighed, which I was super excited about because I had actually lost an ounce! Big news when you have gained as much as I have:/  Then we go to hear that one little thing you never get tired of hearing...the beat of your baby's heart.

But today's beat was different and when I heard that....my heart stopped beating too.

The nurse went and got Dr. K and came back.  He listened and said "why don't you go check in at Wesley, and we will do a sono and start monitoring you?  Hopefully we won't have a baby today but I hope you didn't have any plans this weekend."-- I am sure the look on my face said it all, which was good because I was speechless.  All I wanted was Cody there and for this to all be a bad joke.  But it wasn't.  Dr. K said it was probably fine, but he wanted to double check.  I told him that we had planned to deliver at St. Joe but that I would go wherever he wanted.  He decided to send me upstairs at his practice and run some tests there instead because although it would still be costly, not nearly as expensive as checking into the hospital.  We decided if I needed to go after the initial tests, we would.  So he sent up to the sonographer and as I waited, I decided to call Cody, who last time I saw was snoozing under the covers at home.  I called....no answer.  I then called and text about 20 times...nothing.  So then I called the neighbor boy.  Nate answered the phone and I'm sure he thought I was crazy, but in a very tear filled voice, I said "Nate it is Jeny down the street.  I need to get ahold of Cody.  Will you please go down to the house and knock until he answers and tell him to call me?  Are you allowed to leave the house?"  Nate said "yea, I can go, no problem."  About 5 minutes later, I got a call from Cody.  I informed him what was going on and you could tell he felt terrible for not being there.  There was so much racing through both of our heads that neither one really knew what to say, but yet, we didn't want to get off the phone.  The sonographer called me back.  I think she could tell something wasn't right because I was 1.crying and 2.shaking.  She was incredibly sweet and sat there and rubbed my arm and explained everything at a slower level and in "layman" terms.  She did the sono, then called the doctor.  He wanted an echo of the heart done too and some more monitoring so she did all that.  A few hours later, I was back in the doctors office, waiting and praying.  He came in and said that structurally the heart looked good, but that the beat was still irregular.  I was free to go home but to rest and keep an eye out on any sudden changes.  He said that they would have the fetal heart doctor look at everything and we would go from there.  So I left and went home.  

I had a small meltdown when I got there.  It was a culmination of a lot of things. 

1. walking into the house and all four kiddos playing on the floor together.  It was kind of a surreal moment to think, what if Cinco isn't ok? What if he/she will never play on the floor with them?  

2. My parents were out of the country.  They always watch the kids when we have a baby.  If I am going to be up having a baby, I take great comfort in knowing that Uella and papa are holding down the fort.  Not to mention, who wants to have a baby when their parents are gone?  

3. All of Cody's family was going to Nashville to celebrate his mom's birthday.  I wasn't for sure on the day they were leaving (either the 28th/29th), but one of the reasons we were not going was because we did not have someone to watch the kiddos.  So in my head, I was thinking, I can't have a baby, who will watch the kids? If I had someone to watch the kids, I'd be in Nashville! Cody didn't want to have a baby with all of his family gone either.  (Luckily I was able to get ahold of two close friends who were more than willing to help out! My mom called my aunts from Spain and they were texting too and offering to get kids or go to the hospital if that was where I ended up.) 

4. I wasn't ready for any of that. I did not expect to hear him say those words, so just being caught off guard was like, "wow"!  And  I'm not ready to have another baby as odd as that sounds.  Yes we have four kids, but that doesn't automatically make you ready to go from a family of 6 to a family of 7 at any time.  I still had at least 6 more weeks to go!!  

And ultimately I knew that should Cinco come, we would not be leaving with him/her anytime soon, and that broke my heart.  Just being at the hospital with Sawyer overnight was hard enough with being away from the kids.  To do that all the time, would be tough.  But we would definitely not be one of those parents that goes home often, leaving their baby there.  I may have to sleep in a waiting room chair, but cody or I would not be but a hop away.  

So Cody held me and I cried and he was the voice of reason, like always.  We knew there was nothing we could do but pray, which also, was the only thing we knew would comfort us.  So we did that.  On that following Monday, the doctors office called and said the fetal heart doctor looked at the tests and wanted me to have weekly sonograms for the duration of the pregnancy.  He also ordered Cinco have another ECHO of the heart and an EKG at delivery.  With each sono, we would decide if we need to increase them to twice weekly or not.  The last two weeks since then at our sonos, the heart beat is still not regular, but luckily, all the valves and chambers seem to still be working.  As of today, 1/11/13, baby's head is down and I am dilated between 1-2.  I could stay like that for awhile though so I am not getting too excited, plus we would still like to keep the bun in the oven.  I am thankful we have made it to 33 weeks!

As for what the diagnosis is, we don't know.  Doctor said it could be a slew of things or nothing.  He said sometimes, they have a way of working themselves out before delivery.  Sometimes they are heart murmurs, sometimes they are bigger issues.  It is hard to say until delivery because some of it plays off of when we actually deliver.  We are thankful that we live in a day and age where technology catches things like this and we are able to monitor and be prepared for anything.  We know there are people in the world, even unborn babies, that have bigger issues, so we are trying to keep it in perspective.  Although scary, it could be much worse.  We are thankful and hopeful. 

As a family, because we have discussed it, we think Cinco is just soooo excited to become a part of our family that we make his/her heart skip a beat...or a few...and then pause and go really fast...then jump and then pause again..and then start the whole process over.  

It still breaks my heart to hear it.  Cody finally heard it today and it broke his heart too. To know what it is supposed to sound like and what it does sound like, and the difference between the two. We are praying for the best and know that everything is in God's hands, which is the best place to be.  Thanks to all those that have prayed, are praying, or will pray! We are so blessed to have so many caring people in our lives.  

The Adventures of Holas~ Part Tres

Here is the third installment of  The Adventures of Holas, our Advent Elf.  As all things that go so well in my head, execution is ANOTHER thing.  Our sweet Sawyer had to have surgery on December 17th, to have his tonsils and adenoids removed and his ear tubes replaced.  Because he is younger, just turned 3, Dr. said it would be an overnight stay, possibly more.  With that in mind, Holas was in our thoughts, but not at the forefront of our concerns.  

Also, if you recall, during their last "mission" there was some arguing so Holas had to stay away.  When the kiddos awoke on the morning of the 17th, he was back with a note that read:

"I am soooo happy to be back home with you guys! Thanks for apologizing to each other and to your parents and for forgiving one another.  There is plenty of God's love that we do not need to fight over it! Keep up being kind."

MISSION #11

 "These are some magic beans.  Plant them in this pan before you go to school and see what happens. "

My mom was with the kiddos when they woke up because we had to check in at the hospital at 5:30 am.  She said they thought the beans were really cool, but their main concern was little brother.  

After she picked them up from school, they ran home to get a "get well " present for Sawyer.  When they went inside, they saw that their magic beans had turned into cookies!! With the cookies, was a new note that read "I miss Sawyer too.  Please take these special cookies up to the hospital for all the nurses that are taking care of our little brother."

They brought the cookies up to the hospital and apparently had a few on the way, because the pan WAS full at one point:) They also brought Holas up to see Sawyer, but Sawyer was not the happiest to see Holas...

The nurses LOVED the cookies, well the ones that got them.  One of the nurses even recognized our little elf and told the kids all about how her kiddos had an elf when they were little...40 some years ago!!! 

We also finished our novena for Sawyer on this day.  There is so much comfort in Christ, we are blessed to know of His love. 

 Here are a few pics of Sawyer too.  The top left is after the surgery, then he was slowly getting better (first smile in 36 hours!)...then we were trying anything and everything to get him to drink by himself so he didn't need the IV ( 7pm night #2), then we got the ok to be dismissed and he was out of there!!!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #12

"Hanging around is not always fun.  Say a special prayer for the souls in Purgatory that are "hanging around" hoping to get into Heaven soon!"

I stayed at the hospital with Sawyer overnight, and Cody came home to take care of the other three kiddos and let my mom finally go home.  I told him to hang Holas from something....he chose the light.  

I informed him that Holas had already hung from the light but it was too late...The kiddos had found him and he said they seemed fine with the fact that Holas had chose the light again.  

Before they went to school, they all three prayed for the souls in purgatory!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #13

 "YOU HAVE THE NICEST NEIGHBORS! I went for a walk and got lost and ended up on Patsy! I got to hang out with your neighbors and had fun! Make something nice for all your neighbors.!"

A HUGE thanks to my amazing neighbor Dawn for helping with Holas! They were such good sports about hosting Holas and the kiddos thought it was hilarious that Holas got lost.  The top picture is of Patsy and Holas.  Dawn sent me a text in the morning asking the kids if they recognized this elf that ended up at their house?! Then she sent the picture of Holas sleeping with Ben.  What I love even more than the gracious heart Dawn has, is the fact that above Ben's bed (in the corner of the picture) is a picture of our Diocesean seminarians, such a great family!

 Here are the kiddos making neighbor treats and getting ready to deliver them. Holas helped deliver them too:)

 Here are a FEW of the treats we also received from our wonderful neighbors! Some had already been enjoyed when I took this picture:)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #14

 "Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men. ~ Say a Rosary for all the seminarians, priests, and retired priests."

Holas was just fishing for goldfish, but when Jesus was on earth, He fished for great men to continue his work.  Originally it was my intention to make some goodies up and go visit the retired priests.  But at this point in the week, I was spent and decided the treats would have to wait.  Either way, the kids and I talk about vocations a lot and Cohen talks about being a priest, although I know he has YEARS to change his mind.  I love that they think highly of any religious life and see it as an honor.  It was kind of ironic because on the day of this mission, December 20th, at school they were visited by one of their "adopted" seminarians.  I had no idea Issac was going to visit them at school when the mission was chose, but Miayla was so excited to tell me how cool it was to pray for him in the morning and see him at school later that day! There are many things I love about them going to a Catholic school, one of them being the presence of visitors like seminarians and priests.  It warms my heart to have them have these positive influences interact with them. 

We prayed the rosary later that night for all religious life.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #15

"It's ok, I'm a doctor.....JUST KIDDING! But lucky for you, you do have an amazing doctor and he has an amazing team! Please take a special treat up to Dr. Sanchez and thank him for all he does!"

Every year we take treats up to Dr.Sanchez's office and every year he is soooooo thankful.  He always takes pictures of the kids with said goodies and is very humble about his skill.  We adore all of his nurses as well and are so grateful that when we get sick, those are the arms that help heal us.  And since Sawyer was feeling better, he helped in the making of the treats!!

However, because like many things, it played out much better in my head:) The morning we were taking the treats, we were waiting for Kaia to wake up.  She rarely gets up before 9:30 am (yes she sleeps from 8pm-9:30am every night), but I noticed it was getting later and later.  Since I also go by the rule you never wake a sleeping baby, I let her sleep....but then it got a little too late (she had been asleep for 15 hrs straight)  and I freaked out.  When I went in to wake her, you could tell she was sick immediately.  I took her temp and it was 103.2 :(  I called the doctor ASAP and two things happened, 1. They said they were booked for the day and I would have to take her to immediate care and 2. Dr. Sanchez had taken the day off :)

So with this information, I decided that we shouldn't spread Christmas cheer since he was gone and she was sick.  I loaded her up and went to immediate care where we waited for a few hours and found out she had a double ear infection.  We went ahead and sent our Christmas thank yous and decided we would make treats again for them soon. 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...SORT OF:)

Adventures of Holas~ Part Dos

I went to post the third part of Holas' adventures and realized that I never actually published this one:( One day in this life I hope to catch up....today is probably not going to be that day and tomorrow is not looking too hot either :) 

The Ayres Family is still trucking through this Advent Season and trying to do some good out there.  There have been lots of opportunities for lessons, humility, and forgiveness.  Remember our elf is different in that we have "missions" to do daily.  Here are a few more of our missions:

MISSION #6

"It is the Feast of our Lady of Guadalupe 12/12/12!! Have a great day learning all about this special occasion and have a special Mexican feast tonight! Don't forget to continue your novena for Sawyer."

Our family is blessed with going to a Catholic school where their faith can be embedded in them even more. The school and church had set up a few special activities for the kiddos that went perfectly with our mission of learning all about the special feast day.  They met in the gym before Mass and saw a reenactment of the story of Juan Diego, then they processed over to Mass singing a traditional hymn and presented Mary with flowers.  Unfortunately Kaia did not get the memo that it was early Mass and was a bit of a stinker and we missed the whole thing:( However, we did make it over to the school after Mass for the rest of the celebration.  The Matachine dancers performed and then they had prepared a native cider for the kiddos to try.  

Sawyer wasn't for sure how he felt about the drums and the wolves....

After school. I took the kiddos down to Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church and we watched some more dancing.  They really liked it.  I have a special place in my heart for Our Lady of Perpetual Help here, it is the church where my mother grew up and it reminds me of her family.  The front pew on the left is dedicated to my beloved Grandma Toni, who I never had the privilege of meeting but who I feel I have come to know through memories.  When we got home, Holas was waiting in a bowl of chips for the rest of the fiesta.  While I prepared dinner, Cohen and Miayla watched a video about the miracle of Our Lady.  We had tamales, Mexican egg rolls, and churros as part of our feast.  By the end of the night, Sawyer had more than warmed up to the drums and became our own little drummer boy!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #7

 December 13th is the Feast of St. Lucia! St. Lucy is the patron saint of those with visual impairments and her name means light.  Jesus is the Light of the World. Say a special prayer for all those with visual impairments and have a fun family activity tonight. Novena.

There are a lot of fun things you could do for the Feast of St. Lucia and next year I plan to do more.  This year we kept it pretty simple and just learned about her. 

 The fun family activity was going to Illuminations.  Through out our walk, we talked about Christ's light and the light of everlasting life. I don't think they really got any of this part, but they smiled and nodded anyway :)

 Sawyer absolutely LOVED Illuminations and it was nice to see him so happy knowing in a few days he wouldn't be so happy.

Holas enjoyed it too:)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #8

BABIES, BABIES, WE LOVE BABIES!! 

The miracle of life is such an amazing gift and must be cherished.  Please make a donation to A Better Choice to help moms who are making the BEST CHOICE-LIFE.  Say a special prayer for all the unborn babies in the world.  Continue your Novena.  

We try to make a few donations through out the year to A Better Choice and the Gerard House. I love that after they read their mission, Cohen knew exactly the place Holas was talking about.

We took some baby clothes, bath tub, diapers, and some other baby items.  

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #9

HOLAS was hiding inside the Krispy Kreme box! 

"Donut-cha just LOVE cookie day?! We are so blessed to be part of such an awesome family! Enjoy today with everyone and say a special prayer to the Holy Family on your way to Cookie Day"

Right before Christmas, every year, for the last 21 years, my mom, her three sisters, and all of their kids and now their kids' kids get together and make a big assortment of cookies.  We look forward to it every year and it is such a special day.  Overwhelming, a tad...trying to help 4 kiddos frost sugar cookies can be a bit chaotic, but the memories are definitely worth it!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #10

Well.....there was some misfortune on Mission #9 day.  The kiddos kind of became crazy about who the first one was to find Holas.  Miayla said she was first because she spotted the donut box.  Cohen said he was the one that actually opened the donut box and found Holas...and they argued.  Big time argue and we were NOT happy about it.  So Sunday morning, when they awoke, they found a note that read:

"It is with a sad heart that after I reported back to St. Nick last night, he said I could not return home until your behavior changes.  No one was happy with the arguing yesterday and MY mission is to help draw your hearts closer to Christ this Advent, not make you become mean to each other.  I hope you will apologize to each other and practice forgiveness.  Keep trying and hopefully I can come home soon.  I miss you sooooo much!

~Holas"

They were pretty shocked to see this.  Cohen called me out on it and said that I talked Holas into writing the note because on Saturday I had said "I wouldn't be surprised if Holas did not come back after that little episode." :) Either way, They got the memo.  Behavior on Sunday was much better and they both apologized to each other and forgave each other.  I am glad that we had the opportunity to have this little lesson.  I felt that they had a "mission" that was more relatable than others.  Yes, the good works of making donations should be practiced frequently, but humility and forgiveness are everyday occurrences that I feel reaches them at a different level. The fact that others "noticed" their nasty behavior and it was not okay, made them rethink their actions.  We have been working on "responsibility for our choices" a lot and this unintentionally tied in quite well.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

"Holas"--Welcoming Advent with an Elf

When you have kids, you get to make BIG decisions! God entrusts you with these little tiny beings.  You are responsible for them, for loving them, for being their biggest advocate, their protector on earth, their hero, their teacher.  It is not an easy task.  Sometimes they pick up your good traits and sometimes your not so good traits.  (the last one applies more towards Cody since we all know I am pretty close to perfect, lol:) What you put in front of them is what they will know.  It does not matter how much money you have, or the clothes you wear when it comes to matters of the heart.  How their heart grows is what matters. 

Christmas is one of those BIG decisions.  You get to decide what they get, how they embrace it all, and most importantly, what they take from it.  So what will my kids take from it?

If you follow me on pinterest, you know for a while I have been pinning "elf on the shelf" ideas.  I mean how funny are some of those??!!  So I bought our elf back in October eagerly awaiting a more appropriate time to bust him out and let the fun begin......except it didn't happen.  The more I thought about it, the more my heart was drawn away from him.  Cody and I have never been fans of  the "you better be good because Santa is watching." gig, so to have them have this elf that reports back to Santa seemed like not a great fit for OUR FAMILY.  Some families, this may be perfect for, but for us, we wanted them to walk away with CHRIST in CHRISTMAS.  We wanted them to prepare their hearts for CHRIST'S BIRTH, not their behavior for toys.  So as I thought more and more about this elf, this is what we came up with.  

On the morning of Dec 6th, we celebrated the Feast of St. Nicholas.  It is tradition to put your shoes out the night before (this is where our boots always are) and St. Nicholas comes and visits you, leaving a variety of items in your shoes.  If you notice, he also left us an elf and a note.

Cohen, miayla, sawyer, and Kaia~ 
Greetings great big little people!!!
My name is Nico! I am an elf... I am a tad different from other elves in that I do not report back to Santa Claus! Some elves go back to the big guy up north and tell him if you have been bad or good. I expect you to be good all the time, why? BECAUSE that is what God would want! So because you should already be being good, I report back to St. Nicholas (that's why he dropped me off And that's who i am named after, which I guess you could change my name to holas, or las, or nic... But that's here nor there) Anyway, I tell him if you have been preparing your hearts for Christ's birth...which is what CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT!! Am I right or am I right?! 
So each night while you are sleeping, after i tell Nick if you have been getting your hearts ready, I will take a bag from your Advent tree and in the morning, you will have to find me and complete your "mission" for the day. Some elves can't be touched because they lose their powers... Me, you can touch me! In fact, I love being cuddled and prayed with and I love going and doing good deeds so take me along and take my picture. I am Really handsome:) one thing about me though, is like you, I sometimes mix up good and bad. And sometimes i get pretty silly!!!! So you may have to teach me better ways to behave and remind me of God's endless love and forgiveness.  With that, let's go have a great Advent season and get ready to welcome our Lord!!! Merry Christmas!!!
~ NICO

They decided to change his name to something more original, part of our culture, and fun to say and thus "HOLAS" entered our lives.  I kind of like it too because I feel it was a way to say "HI" to the Advent Season.  This may be a far stretch to have an elf be anything relatable to Advent, but for us it works.  We could have done the elf separate from our Advent activities but we wanted for them to make the connection between Holas' presence and doing good.  One day when they figure it all out, which they will, we will still expect them to do good works.  When HOLAS appears each year, no matter their age, I hope they will still be excited about their missions!  We will still expect them to give more than to receive, to be Christlike in all their ways.  But with Holas, they still get to participate in the lunchroom discussions on where their elf was hiding WHILE preparing their hearts for Christ's birth.  When they wake up and find him, they immediately ask what their mission is (he carries them in his bag).  And a week later, they are still loving every minute of it!

MISSION #1

"Being an angel is fun! You can be an angel to someone too! Pick a child from an Advent Tree and buy them a gift for Christmas!"

This mission happened to coincide perfectly with an Advent Angel party we were invited to! (That's another blog entry I am working on)

Our four year old little boy wanted a Robot---which was harder to find than we expected so we are hoping he will like the Rescue Bot just as well!  Holas went with us:)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MISSION #2

Is HOLAS getting a piggy back ride from Mary??? More like giving Mary a big bear hug, Because Mary is the most amazing mother this world has ever known! And to "Celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, along with going to Mass, say three Hail Marys for all the mothers in the world."

Funny innocence here, Miayla came up to me later in the day and asked if she could take a break from praying? When I asked why she needed a break, she explained that she was on #21 Hail Mary.  I then asked why she was on #21 for Hail Marys she explained that Holas said to say 3 HMs for all the moms in the world and there are a lot of moms:) I re-explained it to her and she was quite relieved:)

MISSION MORE THAN ACCOMPLISHED :)

MISSION #3

HOLAS is in the Doll house

"Having a home is such a blessing.  Make up blessing bags to give to the homeless.  And please start a Novena for Sawyer and a successful surgery."

The kids were crazy about this mission! They could not wait to do it and it was one of those "WOW" mommy moments for me.  This mission was given to them last Sunday.  Cody was gone and I had all four of them at Mass by myself.  Our plan was to go to the store after Mass and get the items for the bags.  It was windy and wrangling 4 kiddos is tough.  When we got in the car after Church, I informed the kids that it was too cold to get the babies in and out again by myself and that we would do the bags later.  As we pulled into the house, Cohen was sad.  When I asked him what was wrong, he said "it's too cold for us to go shopping, but think of how the people that need the bags feel in the cold."  I felt like a terrible person in that instance, but I also knew that he was going to get something extra out of this mission and he did! Miayla and him could not wait to compile the bags, but they also could not wait to share the bags with others!  What is a blessing bag you may ask?  A bag that is carried in your car that you can give out, should you see a homeless person on the street or at a store.  They have various items in it.  Ours had a toothbrush, toothpaste, medicine, chapstick, granola bars, crackers, chicken salad and cracker kits, band aides, socks, body wipes, deodorant, gum, candy canes, comb, soap......

Holas helped assemble some bags too!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

MISSION #4

"FAN- Being a fan is fun! Be someone's biggest fan today! Do something extra nice for someone today without being asked.  Continue the novena for Sawyer."

Both kiddos did their mission but refused to tell me because they said I didn't need to ask.  They take things very literal...we are gonna have to work on that;)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

MISSION #5

"CAN-CAN- Can you sacrifice a few cans? Please donate these cans to a food pantry. Oh and keep up the good work on the Novena."

HOLAS also wrote "Hi" in cans on the floor.  Very fitting for the silly elf whose name is "hi" in Spanish!

We took the cans up to the food pantry at church and they will take it to the food bank.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED 

We cannot wait for the rest of our missions and all the good to be done! HOLAS has been a great addition to our family this Advent season and we hope St. Nicholas is pleased with our efforts and okay with the name change:)

Holas is currently waiting in a bowl of tortilla chips with a sombrero on for the kids to get home! They are going to watch a movie about Our lady of Guadalupe before we have a Mexican feast! 

I cannot wait to have them back home so we can continue to celebrate all that God has blessed us with.

  

Today

Once there was a girl...She decided she didn't want to have kids...or get married before the age of 27.  Then she met a boy.....a handsome boy.....a boy that made her feel things she had never felt on every possible level.  They had fun together.  Then one December day, they found out they were going to be parents.  Many tears were shed, many dreams gone, many questions remaining.  One day, said girl asked said boy if he had ever considered adoption.  He said. "No.  I could not imagine living in a world where this child was not mine, and I don't think you could either."  and just like that, the fleeting thought was gone.  To this day, that girl is unbelievably and eternally grateful to that boy for knowing that even though she didn't necessarily know what she wanted, or how she felt, or how it was all going to work out,...he knew better.  

Fast forward 8 years

I, or anybody that has ever met Cohen David Ayres, could not imagine a world without him in their lives.  The hearts he has touched, the greatness still yet to be achieved, the whales still yet to be saved are all thankful for Cohen.  And although possibly having another family raise him was a fleeting thought, I'll tell you what was NEVER a thought, him never getting the chance at life.  

Abortion--the second most performed surgery in America, just under circumcisions. Millions of babies are killed each year and it is "okay".   Many people are saying that abortion is a "non-issue" in this years election....when is killing of the innocent ever an non issue?!  The right to defend life is always an issue.  The minute we stop defending life, then we will have a bigger issue.  So what is an issue with today's election?

Religious freedom. 

I am Catholic.  I am a proud, devout, practicing Catholic.  I am Catholic before I am anything else, including American. If I was relocated to a different country, I would still be Catholic.  I am not a perfect Catholic.  I struggle everyday with living exactly how Christ wants me to live.  But I try.  And I think what bothers me the most about others in my faith, is the convenience of their Catholicism.  The "I'm Catholic but I'll go to Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation if I'm not working, or don't have practice, or am not hung over, or don't have dinner plans." or "I'm Catholic but I don't believe this or that." So today, you can imagine my immense sadness when I hear people, especially Catholics say "I'm "Catholic" but I'm voting for Obama because such and such is more important and abortion is a non-issue."  So now we have our "issue" to consider-religious freedom.  

Once there was a little girl, who was beautiful and full of zest and lots of words and lots and lots and lots of dance moves. That little girl cannot wait to be a mommy one day.  That girl is 6.  

Now lets say said girl, 8 years down the road is living in Oregon.  In Oregon, under the new health care plan (also known as Obamacare) she can get irreversible sterilization at the young age of 14 WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT and it is paid for by the government.  Fast forward 20 years from now, when said girl wants babies but cannot have them because at the age of 14 she made a decision that she did not know the enormity of.  As a parent, what do you tell her?  "well you see, when you were six, I was more worried about taxing the higher class and school vouchers and food stamps, then I was about personally funding bills like this one.  I even voted for the man whose name it bares, I'm sorry, back then IMMEDIATE issues were what I was voting on.  Making sure all the kids' lives I was effecting immediately were more important than you, my daughter, in the future.  Luckily for you, I also helped vote to make Catholic institutions have to pay for birth control too, that way I could also make others, who believe it is wrong, have to pay for others to not have babies either.  But don't worry sugar I will still call myself "Catholic", even though the golden voting rule of taking the biggest issue (Sanctity of Life) and voting in the best possible way to better that, was something I simply did not worry about."  Imagine explaining all of this to that little girl one day? 

At the old age of 14 I had no idea what I wanted....even at the age of 20, i still did not know what i wanted, but luckily for me, I had someone who knew better.  Be the person who knows better.  

I can't sit here and tell you I am crazy about my candidate. I'm not, but I do know who has proven he does not care a bit about my faith, or the sanctity of life, or religious freedom and I simply cannot vote for him.  Because one day, you see, I'll have to stand before someone else and take responsibility for all of my actions and decisions and I would like to proudly say "yes, God.  I defended life above all things.  When it was tough, i defended it.  when other issues seemed more important to the world, i defended it.  When it came down to filling out a ballot and voting for someone who was more likely to defend life, I voted to defend it. 

Because I know you would want better."

"America you are beautiful . . . and blessed . . . . The ultimate test of your greatness is the way you treat every human being, but especially the weakest and most defenseless. If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." -Blessed John Paul II

*I do not need comments about the greatness of the current commander or you justifying why you are voting for him.  all comments will be deleted.   This is my blog and this is my entry about why I am voting for who I am voting for. 

Amor



Seven years ago today, Cody and I vowed in front of God, family, and friends to love each other all the days of our lives.  For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.  To love each other, honor each other and never seeking anyone else.  It was the happiest day of my life.  Some people ask why we didn't have a destination wedding.  The answer was quite simple, it wasn't us.  In the Catholic Church, you have to be married in front of an alter, seeing as to how our faith is at the center of our lives, it made absolute sense to pledge our lives to each other in front of where God pledged his life to us, for us.  Having been blessed with Father Matt placing his hands on us, through the installation of hands, knowing God truly blessed our marriage was a moment that still brings peace.  We weren't worried about not getting married outdoors or with sand in our toes, the only thing we were concerned about was God's blessing.  Nothing against that, it just was not US, what we needed at the foundation of our marriage.

  During our wedding, we had songs that spoke of love and the blessings of hands, which spoke of all that our hands would encounter in our marriage.  We celebrated in readings, the Eucharist, and our final blessing.  During our wedding though, we also prayed at the feet of the Blessed Virgin Mary.  We prayed that like her, we would be able to answer God's will unwavering.  That we would say "yes" without fail.  We knew that would involve sacrifice, suffering, love, and grace.  We knew that no road would be easy, but that God would be with us every step of the way.  We prayed that like Mary, we would be amazing parents, that our children would know of their Creator and His ultimate sacrifice. 

But you see, it is not easy.  It is hard.  Every. Day. People often think we have a little picturesque life over here, but we don't.  There are struggles, pain, sacrifice and suffering. Every. Day. But you see, there is also the knowing that to have eternal life, which is why we are all here, we must die unto ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him.  Every. Day.

 

I have reminded myself of this every day for a very long time.  Very ironic that Fr. Lanzrath was visiting our parish yesterday and reminded me of it too.  Every time I get thrown up on, I am dying unto myself.  Everytime, I throw up because of "Cinco" (which is STILL everyday), I am dying unto myself.  Countless diaper changes, when we choose Disney channel over football, or laundry over game nights, we are dying unto ourselves.  Groceries over shoes, dance lessons, over concert tickets, dying unto ourselves.  Cody having to work late to pay bills, he is dying unto himself.  Even when we argue, there is a dying unto ourselves that we are reminded, out is not an option.  Working through it, is an option.  Praying on it, is an option, sacrifice and love are options.  Taking up whatever cross the other has given us, is an option.  It is hard. Every. Day. And tonight, on our anniversary, I took Miayla to dance, Cody took Cohen to scouts.  There was no fancy dinner, no romantic strolls, no cute outfits.  As I sit here and type, I am in a tank top, shorts, slippers and my hair is in a messy ponytail.  Kaia is ramming my chair with a truck and Miayla is icing her eye bc she thinks it is going to fall out......no joke.  Cody is with Sawyer, who has a bandaid on his forehead (don't ask),  enough said.  So tonight, just like every day, we are dying unto ourselves.  The sacrifices we make,  the crosses we take up, whether theyare small ones of or the big ones.  We are here to get to THERE. 

So as I reflect on Cody J and seven years as his bride, I am so incredibly thankful God chose him to my partner in this life, to be the one I take my crosses up with.  To be the one I die unto myself with, and for. I LOVE my kids.  Don't get me wrong, they are my world. I would go to the depths of this world for them. Die for them, give anything so they know nothing but happiness. But at the end of the day, they will grow. They will move on, they will find someone that God has prepared for them. When I am not with them, I miss them yes. But with Cody, God created him for me, and I for him.  When I am not with Cody, I have a WANT for him.  I have a NEED for him.  A DESIRE to be with him.  Just simply be together.  To be ONE, which is how we became, seven years ago today. 

Lenten Lessons Part 1.

One of the things I worry most about as a mother, is that I may not be teaching them enough about the things that really matter in life...namely God. I strive day in and day out to take every opportunity I can to teach them, turn situations into learning lessons, let them know of God's love. Obviously being human, I struggle. Luckily for me, there are people out there that have helped pave the way, making the opportunities for lessons a little easier. I take no credit for the activity below. I borrowed it from http://www.catholicmom.com/ a site I frequent often for little tips. It helped we wonderfully this past January on pro-life activities for the kiddos. However this one is under kids, Lenten activities, jelly bean prayer. I came across it two years ago, but at the time I came across it, Lent was half over, so we have technically only done it a year. The kids are not fans of jelly beans. Actually I take that back, they love jelly beans, but I don't like them to have them so we used m&ms instead. The kids loved it and I really felt that it covered a wide range of actions. It did not just focus on sacrifice, but also forgiveness, not just actions, but also prayer. The kids looked forward to getting new colors and striving for the colors they struggled to get. It is kind of funny because one of the kiddos' sitter came over a few weeks ago and asked if we had started that m&m thing yet. I told her no, that it was for lent, and she was like "man, they worked so hard for those black ones, I thought it would be easy tonight." I laughed...apparently she liked the activity too. Luckily the kiddos went to bed just fine for her anyway. When I was getting all the stuff out to do it for this year even, Cohen asked if we could add some more colors. I asked him to elaborate. He suggested adding brown because his Rosary is brown and he thought maybe he could get brown for every time he prays his rosary. I don't know how many 6 year olds think about praying the rosary, but I am happy mine does! We are also in the process of constructing a crown of thorns...I'll keep you posted on this one as we have never done it:) I am always looking for new things to do with them, so if you have any, please share! I am still trying to come up with other stuff besides the usual (weekly Stations, Easter Cookies) so if I think of anything, or if anyone shares anything, I'll pass it on.

Here is our set up from last year....

Red is for the love He gave- Each morning they would choose something to sacrifice for that day. He had to be something they had the opportunity to have or do on that day.

Green is for the palms cool shade- green were earned for good deeds done (providing shade for Jesus with palms was a good deed)

Yellow is for God's light so bright- yellows were earned for kindness shared to others

Blue was for prayers at twilight- (these were supposed to be orange, but the kids thought the sky was more blue so we went with blue)- these were for good behavior with prayer or during special prayer times

Black is for sweet rest at night-these were earned for going to bed good:) Miss Miayla had just a few blacks-this year she swears she will get more

White is for God's grace- THESE COULD NOT BE EARNED

Purple is for His days of sorrow- these were earned after apologizing to someone you hurt through words or actions-asking for forgiveness

Pink is for each new tomorrow-pink were earned when we forgave someone who had apologized to us .

We set the jars up on Ash Wednesday and the kiddos could earn m&ms for the colors they performed whatever deed for. They COULD NOT eat them until Easter. The kids could not earn white m&ms, these represent God's grace, which is a gift not earned ourselves. Essentially though, on Easter morning, the kiddos woke up to find their jars filled up where they were empty (lacking) with white m&ms (God's grace)-All of those pictures are on a different computer that is all apart as we finish a basement...if or when I find them, I'll post the jars with white m&ms:) ---

I hated to spoil it for you if you were excited to see where this was going, but just in case you wanted to do it with your kiddos, I thought I would prepare you:).

God's Peace!