Cinco's Corazon (heart)

I thought I would give a little update on Cinco since some have asked about the babe!

Cody. 

I LOVE THIS MAN. 

He is such an amazing and ever present father.  This is our fifth child and he has NEVER missed an appointment. Not one. If you have ever had babies, there are many appointments and some that take a total of two seconds...ya know, the ones where he measures and tells ya you are still pregnant and to come back next week.  Not a one was missed.  Granted some of them were a HUGE blur because half the time he is wrangling already birthed children, but never the less, he is always there.  And it means the world to me. 

But one day, he wasn't there, and as luck would have it, I would want nothing more.

On December 28th, I had an appt at the Drs office. It was gonna be a quick check, 31 weeks and I'd be on my merry way.  My appointment was at 8:40 so instead of waking all the kiddos (Christmas break), we decided that I would just go by myself.  My mom has been gracious enough to come over on her Friday mornings off and watch the babies when I do have appointments, but her and my dad were visiting my brother in Spain on this particular day.  Anyway, I go to the appointment and get weighed, which I was super excited about because I had actually lost an ounce! Big news when you have gained as much as I have:/  Then we go to hear that one little thing you never get tired of hearing...the beat of your baby's heart.

But today's beat was different and when I heard that....my heart stopped beating too.

The nurse went and got Dr. K and came back.  He listened and said "why don't you go check in at Wesley, and we will do a sono and start monitoring you?  Hopefully we won't have a baby today but I hope you didn't have any plans this weekend."-- I am sure the look on my face said it all, which was good because I was speechless.  All I wanted was Cody there and for this to all be a bad joke.  But it wasn't.  Dr. K said it was probably fine, but he wanted to double check.  I told him that we had planned to deliver at St. Joe but that I would go wherever he wanted.  He decided to send me upstairs at his practice and run some tests there instead because although it would still be costly, not nearly as expensive as checking into the hospital.  We decided if I needed to go after the initial tests, we would.  So he sent up to the sonographer and as I waited, I decided to call Cody, who last time I saw was snoozing under the covers at home.  I called....no answer.  I then called and text about 20 times...nothing.  So then I called the neighbor boy.  Nate answered the phone and I'm sure he thought I was crazy, but in a very tear filled voice, I said "Nate it is Jeny down the street.  I need to get ahold of Cody.  Will you please go down to the house and knock until he answers and tell him to call me?  Are you allowed to leave the house?"  Nate said "yea, I can go, no problem."  About 5 minutes later, I got a call from Cody.  I informed him what was going on and you could tell he felt terrible for not being there.  There was so much racing through both of our heads that neither one really knew what to say, but yet, we didn't want to get off the phone.  The sonographer called me back.  I think she could tell something wasn't right because I was 1.crying and 2.shaking.  She was incredibly sweet and sat there and rubbed my arm and explained everything at a slower level and in "layman" terms.  She did the sono, then called the doctor.  He wanted an echo of the heart done too and some more monitoring so she did all that.  A few hours later, I was back in the doctors office, waiting and praying.  He came in and said that structurally the heart looked good, but that the beat was still irregular.  I was free to go home but to rest and keep an eye out on any sudden changes.  He said that they would have the fetal heart doctor look at everything and we would go from there.  So I left and went home.  

I had a small meltdown when I got there.  It was a culmination of a lot of things. 

1. walking into the house and all four kiddos playing on the floor together.  It was kind of a surreal moment to think, what if Cinco isn't ok? What if he/she will never play on the floor with them?  

2. My parents were out of the country.  They always watch the kids when we have a baby.  If I am going to be up having a baby, I take great comfort in knowing that Uella and papa are holding down the fort.  Not to mention, who wants to have a baby when their parents are gone?  

3. All of Cody's family was going to Nashville to celebrate his mom's birthday.  I wasn't for sure on the day they were leaving (either the 28th/29th), but one of the reasons we were not going was because we did not have someone to watch the kiddos.  So in my head, I was thinking, I can't have a baby, who will watch the kids? If I had someone to watch the kids, I'd be in Nashville! Cody didn't want to have a baby with all of his family gone either.  (Luckily I was able to get ahold of two close friends who were more than willing to help out! My mom called my aunts from Spain and they were texting too and offering to get kids or go to the hospital if that was where I ended up.) 

4. I wasn't ready for any of that. I did not expect to hear him say those words, so just being caught off guard was like, "wow"!  And  I'm not ready to have another baby as odd as that sounds.  Yes we have four kids, but that doesn't automatically make you ready to go from a family of 6 to a family of 7 at any time.  I still had at least 6 more weeks to go!!  

And ultimately I knew that should Cinco come, we would not be leaving with him/her anytime soon, and that broke my heart.  Just being at the hospital with Sawyer overnight was hard enough with being away from the kids.  To do that all the time, would be tough.  But we would definitely not be one of those parents that goes home often, leaving their baby there.  I may have to sleep in a waiting room chair, but cody or I would not be but a hop away.  

So Cody held me and I cried and he was the voice of reason, like always.  We knew there was nothing we could do but pray, which also, was the only thing we knew would comfort us.  So we did that.  On that following Monday, the doctors office called and said the fetal heart doctor looked at the tests and wanted me to have weekly sonograms for the duration of the pregnancy.  He also ordered Cinco have another ECHO of the heart and an EKG at delivery.  With each sono, we would decide if we need to increase them to twice weekly or not.  The last two weeks since then at our sonos, the heart beat is still not regular, but luckily, all the valves and chambers seem to still be working.  As of today, 1/11/13, baby's head is down and I am dilated between 1-2.  I could stay like that for awhile though so I am not getting too excited, plus we would still like to keep the bun in the oven.  I am thankful we have made it to 33 weeks!

As for what the diagnosis is, we don't know.  Doctor said it could be a slew of things or nothing.  He said sometimes, they have a way of working themselves out before delivery.  Sometimes they are heart murmurs, sometimes they are bigger issues.  It is hard to say until delivery because some of it plays off of when we actually deliver.  We are thankful that we live in a day and age where technology catches things like this and we are able to monitor and be prepared for anything.  We know there are people in the world, even unborn babies, that have bigger issues, so we are trying to keep it in perspective.  Although scary, it could be much worse.  We are thankful and hopeful. 

As a family, because we have discussed it, we think Cinco is just soooo excited to become a part of our family that we make his/her heart skip a beat...or a few...and then pause and go really fast...then jump and then pause again..and then start the whole process over.  

It still breaks my heart to hear it.  Cody finally heard it today and it broke his heart too. To know what it is supposed to sound like and what it does sound like, and the difference between the two. We are praying for the best and know that everything is in God's hands, which is the best place to be.  Thanks to all those that have prayed, are praying, or will pray! We are so blessed to have so many caring people in our lives.